We read his elf book, change into his new Christmas pj's, and tried to get him to try his hot cocoa. Two mouthfuls on the ground later, aaaand we gave that one up. I guess the crazy kid doesn't like chocolate, just like his crazy mother. We snuggled up on the couch and turned on the classic claymation Christmas movies. All courtesy of his little elf, of course. 

Briefly, as I sat watching my little boy lick chocolate off his fingers cozy under a red blanket, eyes glued to a fuzzy little reindeer on tv--I felt it: A glimmer of Christmas spirit. 

I open my eyes as noise fills my ears. I become aware that I am now alone in bed, that the sunshine streaming through the window has warmed. It must be hours later from when I last woke; exhausted after a busy night, sleep traded to comfort a little boy whimpering in the darkness. I lay still, listening to the joyous sounds tumbling in through the cracked door. Rambunctious laughter, heavy footsteps, and thunderous 'rawr's from my little one. I catch glimpses of movement through the doorway. Around and around, my boys chase each other around the kitchen island, throwing toys at each other and laughing each time they make contact.

It is Sunday. We have nowhere to be, no agenda yet for the day except football at three at grandma's. I pull myself from my warm bed, begin to get ready for the day. There's a craft fair at Union Station, our backyard. We also know there's enormous Christmas trees heavy with shining balls and a Christmas train that a certain little boy would enjoy. We dress and bundle ourselves against the biting wind, walking across the bridge to the warmth of the great hall. We wind our way through the decorations and all the craft booths, making our first stop for our ritualistic Sunday coffee and muffins. Aidric picks out a chocolate cookie with m&ms the size of his face and a juice box. We shrug; it's Sunday. He grins at us with chocolate oozing between his teeth. 

It's time for the train, and we find out it costs $5. Quickly, we run across to the opposite end of the building to the ATM, hurrying to secure our boy a spot on that ride. We hurry back, and he hands a crumbled bill into the lady's hand with a wide smile. He chooses daddy to help him in to the train, deliberating over the perfect spot. He chooses one, and sits backwards from everyone else. He wiggles in his seat, claps his hands, stomps his feet. I've never seen his smile brighter. We laugh watching him, laughter from the sheer joy of getting to witness our son have so much joy. Around and around he goes, waving to us each time he passed as we stand recording him with our phones like the doofy parents we are.

After the ride it is time for a nap, but I had spied some precious toys I knew needed to be under the tree this year. We walk back home, lay Aidric in our bed where he immediately falls back to sleep without a fuss, and I hurry back across the bridge once more to snatch up a perfect wooden bow and arrow and a tyrannosaurus rex. At home I wrap them in brown paper, displaying them under the tree as proudly as an official Red Ryder BB gun. 

The little one stirs; it is time to begin again. To grandma's we go.

this year has been the longest spring season that i can remember. we've had endless rain with flash floods galore, and the kind of mild temperature days that make my heart sing have stretched on for weeks. if i could make this season stretch on forever and replace the scorching days of summer ahead, i would. but alas, i cannot, so instead i am doing my best to get out and soak it up in some little way each day.

Daniel's vows

Jessi,
​
It feels like just yesterday I was sitting in the parking lot of Thou Mayest waiting nervously to go inside and thinking, "What the hell am I doing?" And although it feels like yesterday, I feel that I've loved you for a lifetime already--and I cannot wait to love you for the rest of my life and beyond. Since that first night/morning I left your apartment, I knew I wanted to marry you. You were instantly my best friend and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I had never met someone who I just clicked with like I did with you.

​I promise to love you through all the highs and all the lows.
I vow that I will work everyday to earn your love.
I vow to always listen and hear your needs.
I vow to be the best husband, father, and person I possibly can.
I vow to work on and improve our love for the rest of our lives.
​I vow to love you until the end of time.

Jessi's vows

Daniel,

I am so grateful to be marrying you, my best friend. Our first night spent together, sitting inches apart, both too shy to touch, we talked and told stories into the wee hours of the night. For every shared view and experience we realized we had, I thought to myself, "This is my best friend. I will love him. This is it." My life began that night.

You showed me what love is. You gave me experiences I've never had, the kind of love I didn't know truly existed outside of my wildest dreams. You came in when everyone else had left. You loved me, when I believed I was no longer worthy of love. You accepted and welcomed my one year old son into your life, and love him as your own. You took my heart as it had grown cold and hard, and breathed life back in to it with a vengeance. You are my once in a lifetime love.

I vow to be your home, your place of comfort and calmness.
I vow to encourage and believe in you, especially when you don't believe in yourself.
I vow to choose you every single day--even when it's hard, because we can do hard things.
I vow to love you at your worst, and in those moments, to remind you of who you are at your best.
I vow to commit to growing with you, to build our dreams into realities, together.
I vow to never lose sight of how rare, special, and true this love is.
I vow to never take your love and your goodness for granted.

I take you as my husband, without fear or uncertainity that this is the greatest decision of my life.

In the midst of circumstance that has sucked the life from me, left me feeling powerless with a lackluster spirit, a great storm came to wash away the dust of daily life. It hunted us down, finding Daniel and I enjoying our breakfast and discussing work for the day. It warned us, at first throwing only a few sprinkles of water around us, alerting us to the seriousness of its threat. We welcomed it at first, hurrying home across the city streets; then challenged it, dodging its kisses from the cover of alcoves. We teased it to the point of madness, breaking into a sprint as it roared and rumbled the ground beneath us, lighting our path before us. Safely reaching the car we were cornered, the life blood of earth pouring around us. We laughed. We laughed away our worries, only aware of the palpable awe of this immense sky, and the mystical earth that it nourishes.

A chill across my neck as my hair dries. ​Espresso brushing my lips. Notes from a piano and muffled cheerful chatter beyond. Breathing in earth's fresh scent. Glowing orbs casting blurred golden light across the wet pavement outside. I find myself wondering, how often do we simply sit and observe our senses? Life itself is art. It carries on noiselessly, not calling for attention, but ready to selflessly share its beauty anytime we're ready to look. So much of the time we live our lives in our heads, missing out on the peace and beauty that is always available to us thru our senses.​

Today I am aware. Aware, and so thankful. Grateful that life carries on, reliably spinning and nourishing, existing beyond our minds and the complicated lives we carve out for ourselves. Welcoming us into its peace and unyielding beauty. Providing us an eternal safe space to return to, to escape the din of our own minds.

I'm reminded that all my worries are temporary.  Life is so much bigger than the box we try to put it in. Much more beautiful and simple, too. Today, I am basking in those truths.

weekends with these two is about as dreamy as it can get. the wake up calls from a tiny human making like a banshee; the giggles and rough-housing within the coziness of the covers; the late breakfasts and all day treats while exploring our beautiful city. together is our favorite place to be. 

we started our Saturday the way we always do: a morning walk to the streetcar for a ride to the market, where we pick up fresh fruits and veggies for the week for mere pennies. this week we detoured first to the train station behind our home to pick up coffee. we walked thru the huge halls, reading up on its history and admiring the old photographs, allowing ourselves to be transported back 100 years. when we made it to the great hall, we found a gathering around a grand piano, where a violinist and vocalist stood also, together performing a collection of Bach. it was pure magic as we paused to listen as the sweet sound filled and reverberated around the room. it was decided we would stay for breakfast to listen. we devoured everything to a mound of crumbs before heading to the river market. we browsed the many goods and fresh flowers and looked on as Aidric chased the birds through the park. with the falling leaves, warm hues, and brisk temperatures, it was impossible to tell spring from autumn. we weren't ready for the fun to end, so we stopped for lunch and to explore several other shops in our neighborhood before landing at home.

now as my sweet boy naps soundly and the fur babies snore on the couch with me, i can't help but feel so grateful i get to share and create a life this good with my most favorite humans. always a lesson in gratitude with these two.

after nearly two months, i've worked up the courage to share our trip to los angeles, calfornia. we left for california the day before daniel's birthday, his birthday wish. we flew in to LAX, and headed straight to our airbnb in venice. we were only a block or so from the infamous venice sign, and the gorgeous boardwalk. it was my favorite corner of LA we visited. every day dan would ask me what i wanted to do, and i always asked if we could head back to venice. it easily won a spot in my heart among my favorite cities. it's a beautiful, romantic destination. the atmosphere is relaxing, the beauty too good to be true. as we wandered the boardwalk, i kept exclaiming how cliche-ly californian it all was, straight from every film you've ever seen. i loved it. 

when we first arrived, we headed straight to the beach after dropping our bags and grabbed a bite along the boardwalk, at figtrees. our view was of rollerbladers and the waves. palm trees shaded our meal. the weather was blissful. the food was to die for. i thought i was in heaven.

anytime i get behind the camera, dan becomes my favorite subject, but you can clearly see how he feels about that. 

after wandering for hours, and being up since 0330 that morning for our early flight, we headed back to catch up on a handmaid's tale and fell into a blissful nap while we waited to meet up with dan's friend for dinner plans. once we woke, the sun was setting, and i begged to go back to the beach to photograph it in the sunset's light. 

for dinner, we headed to c&o trattoria, and it. was. the. best. we sat on the enclosed, open-air patio, decorated festively to transport you straight to italy. the twinkle lights above dazzled, the servers led us in a group italian sing-a-long, and it was delicious. oh, and they served us endless garlic rolls that ruined our appetites. i daydream about this place often.

after dinner we had plans to stop for doughnuts, but unanimously decided we were too stuffed. dan and i asked to be dropped off at the santa monica pier. again, i was shocked by just how perfectly it mimiced everything i've ever seen on tv. we headed straight to the ferris wheel. the view was incredible, as the lights and voices of the fair sung below us on one side, and the waves crashed on the other. our first day was a dream, and by far my favorite.