a little boy who bubbles over with smiles and laughter each day is halfway thru his first year of life today. i can't comprehend where the time has gone. it hasn't felt nearly so long. and yet, i can't believe i have only known my son for so long. the time has whirled away, a smear of happy memories, so many mundane moments splashed in color by a certain beautiful smile and the wonders of watching a new life take form.
(baby boy's growth in comparison to his basket from just a few days old, to 3 months old, and now 6 months. ☺️)
living presently has never been my strong suit. i have always been a girl of wandering thoughts, of grandiose dreams and schemes. i grew up with my nose in a book, playing house and 'office', writing down all my endless lists of the things i would do when i was old enough to. i've never been able to grow up fast enough. i still do all of these things, a sense of 'when i grow up...' still my driving force. i've said this countless times before, and i have a feeling i will find myself continuing to say it: aidric is my reason to slow down and be where i am. i notice the way the light falls through the windows again. i savor the minutes in the morning i have with my coffee before i go in to wake him. i watch his chest rise and fall after putting him to sleep, the moonlight etching out his features in the dark. we pause in mirrors to say hello, i notice every bit of growth he does each night, we pet the cat, and make friends with strangers.
after taking his monthly pictures, our set up sprawled out over my bed next to the window that lets in the best light, i had a moment where i thought, "i'm here." i took in the sight of my life in that moment, in this season. the gurgling boy reaching his toes to his mouth. the cat enjoying lazing in a sun spot with her humans. the fresh flowers i'd bought the day before at the bedside, my favorite iced cinnamon chai, new linens in just the right colors, the slow-moving afternoon of a saturday. i realized that at one point, a younger version of myself had yearned for exactly what was laying before me.
i took the rest of these pictures stuck in that awareness, wanting to capture the present happenings, breaking away from the mold of my beloved planned, posed, and styled photos. i may not always feel like the most adult in the room. i'm still learning everyday what it means to truly enjoy the lifelong process of becoming, and accepting that it really is a lifelong process. but when i manage to stop and look around, i'm reminded that it's a beautiful one.
one last photo i would not have gotten were it not for my pause to take in the moment:
(no one was harmed in the making of this photograph)
ahhh, sweet baby love.